Duo in Spandexland
by mileouttahell
Summary: Really weird parody of Alice in Wonderland and a bit of making fun of anime. Light shounen-ai.


WnK: Um...so I had two big glasses of rootbeer, right? This came out...probably the strangest thing I have ever written. O_O Be afraid. Be very afraid. *looks around, tries to decide which muse is responsible for the fic* Lesse...Setsuna's romance and action...no...Toby's poetic and tragic- definitely not...it must have been my comic muse. Tro-kun: *pauses from maniacal laughter* Actually, it wasn't me. It was the Rootbeer muse.   
WnK: O_O Rootbeer muse?   
Tro-kun: Yeah. The one you and Audrey share. Muse of weirdness.   
WnK: .... Oh. OK.  
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Warnings and disclaimers: Ain't mine. Any resemblance between these characters and the originals is all in your head. Cuz they sure don't have any resemblance to the originals. And...it's sorta a deathfic, but not really. Um...just read it. And see if you can decide how badly I mangled Alice in Wonderland. Oh, it's a parody. I think. Sorta. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Duo wasn't quite sure what happened. One minute he was hunting through the dryer for Wufei's missing sock, the next minute, the dryer sucked him in and he fell and fell through a looooong white tunnel until he landed with a clump on some clouds. "Huh. I didn't know clouds were staticy," he remarked to himself. "They need some of that anti-cling stuff you put in the laundry."   
"Duo Maxwell!" a Voice suddenly boomed.   
"Huh?" Duo said intelligently.   
"Welcome to the land of the dead!" the Voice boomed again, in a very cliché manner.   
"I'm dead? I don't really feel dead. You know, this will severely throw off my schedule. I'll have to cancel that date with Wufei tonight, and tell Heero to take my missions, and have someone clean Shinigami for me, and then there's all the paperwork to be done, not to mention that I'll have to make time for the funeral-"   
"Shut UP!!!" the Voice cut Duo off. "So annoying. Ahem. Anyway, I have on record that you call yourself the god of death. That position is already taken. However, since we are a bit short of helpers right now, we are proud to offer you a job in Sock Heaven."   
"Eh?" Duo said, not really thinking that that odd set of statements deserved a real answer. "What's Sock Heaven?"   
The Voice rolled its eyes. Just don't ask me how. "The place where socks go when you loose them out of the washing machine, obviously."   
"...Oh."   
"It's also," the Voice continued, ignoring Duo, "Where anime characters keep stuff and where Heero hides his guns. Also known as hammer space, malletspace, and spandex space. Oh, and it's where all the extra food characters eat ends up. That's how they can eat so much and not gain an ounce. Now, go forth as a god of dead socks, and...uh...be a god of dead socks, I guess."   
Duo shrugged. *Well, if I find Wufei's missing sock here, maybe he'll love me more.* He wandered off to rule over his small kingdom, tripping over various mallets, socks, and guns on the way, not to mention assorted fans, wands, and every other item ever pulled out of thin air by an anime character, not to mention several banquet tables of food that was inhaled by Lina, Usagi, Goku, himself, or some other hungry anime character. Given that it was inhaled, all the food was completely intact. However, since Duo had read the story of Persephone (1) too many times, he decided not to eat anything. After awhile, he finally came upon a sock (other than the ones he'd come upon previously, obviously), who launched into a well-known speech without giving any of the lines that proceed it, hence confusing the already confused audience even more.   
"We're all dirty here," the sock said.   
"How do you know I'm dirty?" Duo questioned.   
"You must be, or you wouldn't have come here." (2)   
"...Oh." Duo replied. This particular author seemed to make him say that a lot. After a moment, he thought of something. "Physically or mentally?"   
The sock paused to consider. "Both, I guess," it decided. Then it popped out of existence.   
Duo blinked. "You're Wufei's missing sock, aren't you?" he questioned.   
"Yeah," the sock admitted, popping in, answering, then popping back out again. Duo blinked again. "Hey, come back here! I need to take you with me!" The sock appeared again. Duo rubbed his eyes crossly. "I do wish you'd stop doing that."   
"Oh, sorry," the sock said, hopping into Duo's pocket and fading out slowly, until only its hole was left. The author, becoming bored and weirder by the moment, decides to switch from one story that has A Girl Dreaming She's in Another World (TM) to another. Duo suddenly appears in a blue dress with a white blouse underneath it, with ruby slippers on his feet, and Trowa, dressed as a dog, at his feet. "Tro-tro!" Duo squealed. "We're going home! I want to go home, I want to go home..." XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX   
Duo woke up in his own bed, with Wufei's arms wrapped securely about him. "Something wrong, Duo?" Wufei said, feeling his lover stir uneasily.   
"Does Trowa ever dress up like a dog?"   
"No...I don't believe so," Wufei said, willing himself not to ask.   
"OK. Didn't think so," Duo replied. "By the way, I found your sock," he said, pulling it from Spandex Space.   
"Oooooh!" Wufei said happily, hugging the sweat sock to him. "SD Chibified Nataku soooo cute!" he squealed. "Thanks!"   
"You're welcome," Duo said, only to be utterly ignored by Wufei. "Sometimes I wonder whether he likes me or the socks more." Duo sighed. "The world may never know."   
  
(1) Persephone is a girl in Greek myth who eats the food of the Underworld so has to stay there.   
(2) For original speech, just replace "dirty" with "mad". Originally between Alice and Cheshire Cat.   
  
Author: *yawns* Whatdya think? Stories written late at night under the heavy influence of the rootbeer muse. O.o Kowai. I claim no repos'blty. *yawn.* G'night.   
  



End file.
